Christmas carols in Middle-earth...sort of...

[written_leaves]

O come two Boffins, Bolger and Proudfoot,
And excavate the pantry to the root

Christmas brings out all sorts of odd things, as anyone who has ever written a yuletide fic, poem or song well knows. This is my own addition to that burgeoning category out there of the adapted Christmas carol - though most are merely using the tunes more than being about Christmas by the time I was done with them.



O Sackville
To 'O Come O Come Immanuel'

O come O come from not-so-far Sackville,
And take the spoon whereever you will,
Lobelia, with family in tow,
Will gripe as in her 'brella now she stows,
The spoons! The gems!
And anything else small,
She's coming now, fair waddling down the hall.

Oh come thou cousins, come right over here,
And see the parcels, tags mixed up we fear...
Angelica, so fair of face,
A mirror here to help you see your grace.
A bin! A pen!
But not a scrap of gold,
Though legends claim there's more, so we are told.

O come two Boffins, Bolger and Proudfoot,
And excavate the pantry to the root,
So sure of finding treasure in there,
They'll dig until they're pulled out by their hair -
The holes! The greed!
There's jools in that Hill,
They're sure of it, they'll never get their fill.

-

Are These Trees Here My Trees?
To the tune of: Do you hear what I hear?

Said the Elf Lord to the Ranger-man,
Are these trees here my trees?
Underneath the stars, Ranger-man,
Are these trees here my trees?
They are, they are, none of them I hold -
But your daughter, with her I'll be bold...
For she does not do as she's told.

Said the Ranger-man to the Elven lass,
Though your ears aren't my ears,
Different we are, Elven lass,
Though your ears aren't my ears,
I'll take your hand, though your father I disjoint,
For your ears are not the main point,
For your ears are not the main point.

Said the Elven lass to the mighty king,
You have dough, so let's go!
Now that you are rich, mighty king,
You have dough, so let's go!
My dad, my dad's looking all resigned,
But I'm sure he won't really mind,
But I'm sure he won't really mind.

Said the king to the people everywhere,
Listen to what I say,
See this land, people everywhere?
Listen to what I say!
The land, the cash, all the things I please,
They are mine now, even the trees,
They are mine now, even the trees!

-

Ferny Bills
(Silver Bells)

In the Pony, busy Pony,
In the corner alone,
Dunadan
Has been feeling
Suspicious.

Watch that, Mister...
People whisper,
Telling tale after tale
And on ev'ry street corner he sees...

Ferny Bills, Ferny Bills -
It's slinking time at the Pony.
Ring is here, where oh where?
Quick, lest they all get away.

Strings of rumors,
As the kegs pour -
Unaware they are seen
As the Southerns slip
Out with their cohorts.

Hear the glass smash,
See the beds slashed:
This is Ferny's big scene.
And beyond ruined bolsters,
You'll see,

Ferny Bills, Ferny Bills,
It's slinking time at the Pony
Ring is here, where oh where?
Quick, lest they all get away.
-


Eagles on a Midnight Clear
(It Came Upon a Midnight Clear'))

He came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious bird they send,
The eagle swooping near the earth,
To save his wizardly friend!
A friend was gained and gained again
From Gwaihir, by gracious flight!
For Isengard and mountains lay,
Well seen by eagles' sight.

Still through the cloven skies he came,
With giant wings unfurled,
And took the wizardly friend afloat,
O'er all the weary world;
Above, then down to Lorien,
Where grey would be dressed in white -
So even o'er the fate of Men,
The eagles kept their sight.
-

Have a Mossy Tossy Huorn
(Have a Holly Jolly Christmas)

Have a mossy tossy Huorn,
It's the best revenge that's near,
Hold the fort and there'll be orcs
A-mulching, never fear.

Have a mossy tossy Huorn,
And when you walk in the woods
As a treat beneath your feet
For plant-food orcs are good.

Ho ho this orc-host foe
Lurks with roots a-weave,
Patiently waits for them
To run beneath the leaves.

Have a mossy tossy Huorn
For indeed the trees are near -
Oh by golly have a mossy tossy Huorn
This year!